There was a spider on the ceiling this morning and two of three girls went crazy causing the third to blow a sphincter.

I would have had NO problem smacking the spider with a book and killing it but when the kids are in the room, I have to do my best to escort him outside and they expect proof of life, weekly updates on his whereabouts/health progress and monthly flowers sent to his family apologizing for forcing him out of our home.

The problem this morning was that the spider was on the family room ceiling. The only way I could remove him from the ceiling was to fling him with a paperback book and send him flying thirty feet away.

The girls squealed and cried because they were afraid of the spider and wanted him gone.

Make up your minds girls. Make. Up. Your. Minds.

“Mommy, don’t kill him!!!!” I heard over and over.

“I won’t kill him, but I can’t reach him on the ceiling unless I stand on the arm of the couch and swipe him with a book. I will just relocate him, it won’t hurt.”

Whack!

Hanna and Ellie searched the carpet frantically for the little guy. I really had no idea where he went but Chloe, my two year old, had the best line of all.

“Mommy! You hit him with my book! Now he’s too scared to read!”