My daughter who is about to turn nine has requested some rockin’ clothes to go back to school.

Of course she did.

I found myself shopping in the jungle-print aisles of various department stores but the clothes were so well camouflaged, I had trouble finding them. At one point, I found myself in the check-out line with a pair of tight fitting, gold, stretchy pants, a flimsy top with draped sleeves, some type of floppy wings at the sides. I then retreated, not to hit my head on the wall as you might expect but to pick up a LEOPARD PRINT SCARF and return to the check-out line to hand over money for what was arguably something Helen Roper from Three’s Company would have worn to a costume party.

I came to my senses and did not purchase the scarf. This outfit had cougar written all over it, both the animal and the lady at the end of the bar, specifically, the Regal Beagle. The only thing missing was a carton of Popeye cigarettes. Thankfully, those have been pulled from the market for being too dangerous to sell to children, the clothing manufacturers haven’t followed suit.

Really? Age nine and that’s what they’re wearing? That’s what the manufacturers are pumping out and  retailers are selling? I really felt as though I was shopping for someone’s dress-up bin and not for academia.

I felt so much relief to buy my six year old a fuzzy, cream coloured vest so I could pretend she still used a blanky.

My two (and a half!) year old is just happy when someone remembers to dress her at all.