You know that section on your child’s year-end report card encouraging parents to continue working on that specific skill with your child over the summer, read, “please introduce that specific skill to your child over the summer” and not only have you not broached the subject, you haven’t even filed away the report card envelope?
I simply hate the idea of cracking open the math homework or disguising a legal pad with regrouping homework as a fun, summer activity when we could be miming our swimming techniques in our non-existent pool or looking for head lice.
Will I feel guilty the first day of school when ALL of the other kids have honed their addition/subtraction skills over the summer and my child’s gaze focuses intensely at her teacher’s scalp, specifically targeting those areas around the ears, top of the head and back of the neck? Perhaps.
It’s not as though the kids haven’t learned anything this summer.
For example, Chloe at just nineteen months has learned if she removes her diaper early enough during her afternoon nap, she can guarantee a lot of extra work for Mommy including getting to be my special helper, hauling her mattress onto the back deck with our bucket of soapy, warm water and our second with vinegar. She’s also learned to repeat the words, “Are you kidding me? Not again,” impressive for such a young, sly little thing.
Ellie has learned she no longer needs to walk from her bedroom to the family room in the morning if she claims her legs are numb. Someone is sure to come along offering a piggy-back or fireman’s carry before dumping her on the couch.
Hanna has discovered tip-toeing down the hallway to the t.v. might arouse suspicion but if she slides on the hardwood wearing buttonless p.j.’s, she has a far better chance at victory.
Chloe has learned to point to the freezer and shout, “Freeze!” demanding a frozen apple juice freezie. Communication of any kind is progress.
Ellie has learned that on “retro” day at camp if you ask to wear a princess costume you will instead be forced to wear a “flower power” outfit. When you arrive at camp and two girls in your group are dressed as princesses and one boy is dressed as Thor, she learned not to trust her Mommy.
Hanna has learned that if you eat the entire bag of marshmallows during a s’more-a-thon, you run the risk of a week of spasmodic sleeping episodes and all of that flailing and thrashing will never get her down the hallway to the t.v. quietly.
Ellie has learned her hair is not long enough for pony-tails or braids but if she uses her left hand to yank most of my hair out by the root and her right to tie an elastic band of knots around it, she can claim she knows how to make a pony-tail.
Hanna has learned to look through the clump of discarded hair for nits with a magnifying glass.
I have learned Ruby Red helps ease the pain of a throbbing scalp from one too many visits to the pony tail factory. It also makes me smile when I fill in the report card comments, “We will continue to work diligently with our child over the summer on her method acting.”
Cannonball!
