There is no shortage of literature about how we can whip up easy kids meals that will make them run to the table, refrain from shouting obscenities or things like, “yuck”, “gross”, or “children’s aid, I’m ready to be picked up now,” but do we really know how to practically implement even one of these suggestions?

I saw something today at the grocery store I think would encourage us all to take out our clipboards, stand in front of the butcher’s glass display and observe. This may shock and amaze some of you.

A man behind the counter dangled a piece of mystery meat over the top of the glass from the tip of a latex glove. Children from all aisles of the store came running. They leapt in the air to be the first to shove that bologna sample down their gullets and chomped and high-fived each other before hopping back on the fronts of their carts and disappearing into thin air.

There it was. The answer to all of our feeding problems and it was so obvious.

We have been using cookie cutters shaped like hearts to encourage kids to eat banana pancakes and here it was, so simple, we’ve been going about this all wrong. What we should have been doing is thinking of the most unappealing approach to introducing new foods.

You will need the following supplies;

1)      A skinny stranger dressed in butcher’s whites

2)      A net strapped to both ears wrapped around your beard (for argument’s sake, a beard-net)

3)      Luncheon meat

I have tried many ways to introduce new foods to my children but never the lion in a cage meat dangler. I have been over-thinking this.

Me: Kids, I just made the most delicious carrot soup and fresh bread, would you like to try some?

Kids: It smells so gross it makes me want to puke!

New approach

Me: Kids, I’ve just shredded some processed meat from an animal of unknown descent. I am netted, hoisted high over the breakfast bar, with my rubber gloves and a pink piece of something gamey.

Kids: Commence leaping.