“Attention everyone! I have another great snow day menu idea!” I confidently announced to the kids after finding what I thought would be the perfect comfort food on a blustery, wintery day.

I found a crock-pot recipe for white bean risotto. It had all of the makings of a filling meal, infused with flavours and jam packed with vegetables. A sure winner in a house even more jam-packed with picky eaters.

To the inventors of white bean risotto—I would like for nothing more than to watch as you are hauled off while I laugh and laugh wearing my crock-pot lid as a hat and my computer (where I sourced the recipe) as a shield from the bean balls I plan to pelt at you.

My kids started making gagging sounds after seeing but not yet tasting the risotto.

I explained, “It’s rice! Try it.”

Hanna actually convinced her body to heave (a good one) making us all believe it was possible for a person to barf on the dinner table without having actually eaten anything on her plate.

Ellie saw Greg was eating apple sauce with his sliced pork tenderloin (the lack lustre side dish to the heavily tomatoed entree). She too retrieved an apple sauce from the cupboard but not with the intention of eating it, I think it was meant to act as a catch basin for whatever might come hurling from her mouth after she asked, “Is this gooey thing a bean?”

So, on this snow day, leap year no less, I would like to go back in time and with the white bean risotto recipe on my screen, gently place my laptop inside my crock-pot, crank it up to high and watch them both disintegrate.

To be served on a bed of white beans.

I can not stress this enough–photo is a likeness.