I have a confession to make. I haven’t had “the talk” with my kids yet.
Hanna is not quite nine and I fear having the talk might be a little too much for her to take in right now so after some research, I decided to order a book called “The Care & Keeping Of You,” the tracking number indicates it will arrive June 29th.
Unfortunately, I think some of Hanna’s friends might have already had the talk or come to some erroneous conclusions about where babies come from completely on their own and who are sharing some of their knowledge with their friend who I am trying to keep under quarantine until the UPS guy arrives with our brown, paper package.
I overheard a conversation with one of her friends where Hanna told the friend her Mom didn’t like it when kids walked around texting and that I was surprised they didn’t hurt themselves running into things because they weren’t paying attention. The friend responded, “Do you think they were texting something about sex?”
Tracking confirmation—still June 29th despite my efforts to rush the order.
The girls laughed and laughed but I wondered how much of what they were laughing at was the other person’s response or the fact that people might run into something while typing?
I have a million excuses as to why I haven’t broached the subject. 1. Not wanting to admit my first born is old enough to start understanding such mature subject matter. 2. Discomfort. 3. Knowing whatever I tell Hanna will be taught to her younger sister (but totally backwards in her own words) who will then tell all of her kindergarten friends, “Babies come from grown-ups hugging and smooching.”
Then Ellie (age 6) said to me the other night, “Mommy, babies come out of your tummy right?”
“Yep! G’night Sweetie!”
“Because my friend told me babies are an egg that grow in your uterus and then you lay the egg out of your vagina.”
Ouch, but when you think about it, makes more sense than coming out of your belly button.
Chloe then put her hands deep into the bowels of her diaper, held her fingers up to my face and said, “Smell Mommy!”
I realize this is in no way related to “the talk” but it’s another conversation I’d rather not have and also, is that normal?
I’m counting down the sleeps until the 29th. Just hoping nobody lays any eggs between now and then.
