Once every fourteen years (approximately) I sleep in past 7:30am.

To try to put into words the number of factors involved in actually having this happen would be an absurd undertaking.

What is so unbelievably unique about what I am going to tell you is that our entire family of five slept in until 8:30am on Saturday morning. This has never happened before, at least, not in our lifetime.

Here is why this miracle is almost beyond the realm of possibility.

  1. The sleep in took place on a Saturday morning meaning, we didn’t have to rush to get ready for school, we weren’t late for anything, Greg didn’t have to be on the golf course pencil deep in the Penske file so the odds of the sleep in happening on a Saturday are 1 in 7.
  2. For the entire family to sleep in including one elderly person on the cusp of his fortieth birthday, one turning thirty-seven, an eight, six and two year old ALL, SIMULTANEOUSLY sleeping in? There are no words. Odds must be 1 in Google.
  3. None of us were sick. I repeat–nobody in the house was suffering from fevers, vomiting, diarrhea, third nipple chaffing, hot-dog fingers or any other fast talking symptoms you hear at the end of every American drug company commercial. None. And yet, we slept.
  4. To our knowledge, none of us had been drugged in the night though that might be a question for the surveillance tapes.
  5. Outside factors did not affect our rest i.e.; no neighbourhood dogs were being beckoned to return home by an acapella group through a megaphone, no trucks were stalling on the roads nearby, no sirens were blaring, no coyotes were consummating their marriages, no birds were chirping, no raccoons were knocking on the front door looking for a play date with the girls. All was quiet like the sound immediately following a natural disaster when you wonder if you are the only survivors because it’s just that quiet.

I woke up refreshed. I knew what month and year it was. I was hungry having eaten the same bowl of oatmeal at 6am for several years–I was 2.5 hours past my regular feeding. I was scared. If we were the last people on earth, would we care so much about the dandelion infestation?

I was happy and it wasn’t even Mother’s Day.