Just for fun when I’m feeling completely out of my comfort zone, I pick up a fashion magazine and go straight to the “must haves” for whatever season (in this case, summer) and I chuckle at just how far off my nonsensical wardrobe is.

The must-have for women in this particular magazine, meaning, if you wear nothing else this year, make it this! Spoiler alert! I don’t have one! The leather motorcycle jacket.

“This one item finishes any outfit.” Really? Really? Any outfit? That sounds like a challenge. As I looked down at my Columbia hiking sandals, my cargo Capri pants which were the must-have transition-wardrobe item from 1987, my tie-dyed t-shirt, crimped hair, I thought to myself, yep, a motorcycle jacket is exactly what would pull this whole thing together.

Previous years, the must-have-item has suggested “anything yellow” but I checked my folding chart from when I had “my colours” done and there wasn’t a hint of yellow. Okay, I never really had my colours done but I remember my Mom did and by genetic default, if she can’t wear yellow, what gives me the right? Oh and if talking about having colours done ages me? Think of how old my Mom must feel.

I checked the date on the magazine to be sure I wasn’t going to rush out and spend a fortune on last year’s must-have item which in the world of school parking-lot pick-up Moms ranks up there as being totally unforgiveable (again) but sure enough, it was current.

I think it would make more sense if I just bought the motorcycle helmet and had an “If the fashion-nightmare under this visor is found, please contact…” followed by an emergency number plastered across the beak.