I ran into a pita shop yesterday to grab a quick lunch for Greg, Chloe and I. Greg wanted a chicken pita and I wanted something with feta. Chloe would be offered the drippings and larger crumbs from both.

When it came time to choose sauces, I asked if they had an oil and vinegar dressing for mine.

Pita Girl: Well, we have secret sauce which has oil and vinegar in it.

Me: Okay, what else is in it? Or is that a secret?

PG not laughing: Just some other stuff.

Other stuff like salt & pepper? Or other stuff like ground tape worms?

She and I had no idea we were being hypnotized by the lava lamp clear bottle of oil & vinegar with green floaters dancing all around.

I suspect the green stuff is oregano?

PG: I just know there’s oil and vinegar and….

Why won’t she just say she doesn’t know what else is in the sauce rather than pretend she’s the keeper of the Caramilk secret?

With all of the food allergies, gluten intolerances, wheat, dairy, lactose and latex issues, isn’t it time these restaurants abandon the “secret” in their sauces and start labeling everything so I don’t walk out of there looking like a swollen puffer fish?

I didn’t want to tell the girl I have no known allergies (just a minor dislike of overcooked liver and onions) and that I’d eat the tongue out of my shoe right now I’m so hungry. I wanted her to question why she hadn’t been educated about what she was serving. I just don’t understand why restaurants are permitted to keep things (like ingredients) secret in a world with so many food related illnesses.

I ordered a double shot of the sauce. One for my pita (and one on the side–for the lab)