I gave up going to organized, community play groups a couple of years ago.

I actually think children being exposed to same aged peers, engaging in playtime, story time, snacking and learning to share and socialize is of the utmost importance.

I just got tired of the exposure and exchange of germs that went along with it.

Each week, my child would always gravitate towards Sneezy or Itchy-Bum or both and make it her mission over the one hour session to absorb everything growing underneath the fingernails of all of the ill children in the building.

Of course as the parent, you are helpless in that situation. You watch the adoring eyes of Sneezy’s Mom as she notices regardless of what bacterial thread her offspring is hosting this week, someone wanted to play with her runny nosed child and she would shoot at look at you that said, “Thank you” while you would shoot a look back in response that said, “Please don’t come here anymore.” You would beg for hand sanitizer from the other Moms but remember no one is talking to you because you’re now in an assumed isolation box with the other cough carrying outcasts.

Today it was cold outside so I decided to go back and try my luck.

The first group of kids I noticed were playing in a giant tub of pink sand which may or may not have been Kool-Aid crystals. At any rate, I only saw one child so desperate for a tissue her tongue was working as a windshield wiper to her upper lip. I decided to place Chloe at this first station before cessing out the cesspool.

About thirty seconds passed before I heard a woman giggle to her friend, “I came here today because everyone in my house has the stomach flu and I just had to get out!”

Awesome. Welcome friend.

It was nice she saw it fit to seek refuge in a small room filled to capacity with little germ sponges.

I watched a kid shove some raisins in his ears and then eat them.

I then watched the girl whose tongue was lapping up a snot moustache as she dipped crackers on her upper lip before swallowing them whole.

One woman chuckled about the Easter Bunny stealing her child’s diapers in an effort to move along the potty training. Apparently Santa stole his soothers so major holidays often spark child ulcers and in severe cases, seizures.

Are you there sanitizer? It’s me, Bad Mother.