Having my teeth cleaned used to be a chore, something I dreaded. Sadly, it is now a relaxing outing and a rare solo adventure out of the house. One kid at school, two playing at the babysitter’s, I could sit here bleeding with freezing cold water being shot at my sensitive gums all day. Heaven.
I’m intrigued by one of the courses the hygienists take. The one that teaches them to speak without pause the entire time you are laying in front of them, jumping from subjects including; their son’s first sexual encounter to their husband’s failed attempts at weight loss to why their cat pees on things when they leave the house. It really is an art.
The forty something year old man behind the half wall next to me was in for a treat. He was first asked then lectured about how often he brushes his teeth.
Perky Hygienist: How often do you brush?
Dirty man: I try to brush once a day.
So many things wrong with that response. I “try” to brush “once” a day. That has left a lot of room for “some days, I don’t brush at all.” Or, “weeks have passed and it has completely slipped my mind.”
Don’t we all grossly exaggerate when they ask us that question? I always tell them five to six times a day which means, three times. If his biggie number is not quite one, there’s really no hope for this guy. Not to mention, they ask us these questions but the reality is they know based on first glance this guy hasn’t brushed in two months and went to town this morning, pus oozing from his gums the first of many giveaways as he walked begrudgingly in the door.
Out came the teeth puppet, the giant, novelty, plush toothbrush and a demonstration on how to brush.
I’m thinking at forty, he’s probably been in the audience for this show once or twice before. He was able to dress himself and even operate a motorized vehicle to get himself to his appointment. Presuming he was also there at his scheduled time, he might also be familiar with how a clock works. So now he’s the dirty guy being judged while in a compromising position wearing plastic sunglasses and forced to watch the Andy Griffith Show video playing overhead.
I know these people think they are helping but if this guy is only “trying” to brush and only once a day, no amount of puppetry is going to change his perceived neglect.
This exercise in humiliation isn’t a whole lot different than her asking, “Do you ever take a crap?” and then pulling down her pants, spreading her cheeks and showing him the most effective way to wipe. “You want to go front to back to minimize the risk of infection.”
It’s not he isn’t capable or knowledgeable of how the procedure works it’s that he doesn’t care.
Skidmark didn’t seem to be concerned over whether he would be able to post his name on the “Healthy Teeth Equals Happy Teeth” poster. He was trying to find time in his too-busy-to-brush schedule to book a few root canals.
