One of the stories in the news yesterday discussed the world’s largest sperm bank rejecting red-headed donors due to lack of interest.

I have read a few articles and listened to the news and heard/read the red-heads described as anywhere from “those with ginger hair” to “flame haired donors.” I guess I can appreciate why the “flame haired” donors didn’t receive quite as many requests as say those for, “silky, blonde, ringlets,” or “spun gold cascading perfectly with a wave bouncing to the rhythm of calypso drums” and I understand why if “flame” is even an option on the hair-colour box, most participants might select either “albino white” or “none of the above” as safer alternatives. As someone who gave birth to a red headed child, I felt I could perhaps douse some of the flames on this topic.

Firstly, no one could have prepared us for the two announcements made after being nine days overdue and let’s go with 78 hours of the most horrific, gruelling labour any horror movie could write. “You have a baby girl AND she’s a redhead.”

My brunette husband looked closely at my brown roots and while smiling with delight first thought, how could my wife be the only girl in her family with three brothers and I come from a family with two brothers and no sisters and together, we’ve had a daughter?

We then both giggled, “Red hair? Awesome!”

The nurse told us how rare it was to see a baby with red hair and while I wasn’t completely certain the red hair was a result of the 94 hours of intense labour or being nine days overdue, there she was, our red headed baby girl with brunette/artificial blonde highlighted parents looking on exhausted adoringly.

Our other two girls are both blonde and let’s face it, none of them look anything alike though all created by the same two parents as the DNA reports will confirm, which are tucked safely away in the locked cabinet for a future episode of Jerry Springer.

My point is, regardless of what hair colour they’re promoting this week at the sperm clinics, it really doesn’t matter what colour the donor’s hair is. If he has an Uncle who grows a red beard and the mother-to-be has an Aunt who’s a natural red-head you might be fortunate enough to have a healthy, (are we still even taking healthy into account when we’re worrying about fine-tuning details like hair colour?) red headed baby.

Apparently in Australia, they are willing to accept the red headed donors (those condemned with gingervitis) because they have a shortage of donors. Oh good, as long as we’re still talking about them as being the lesser alternative, send them over, we’re desperate and have no other options. Until some Swedish babes migrate to Australia, we’ll gladly accept your fiery red heads……conditionally…….for now.

“There are too many redheads in relation to demand,” he told Danish newspaper Ekstra Bladet.

“I do not think you choose a redhead, unless the partner – for example, the sterile male – has red hair.” (I like that they’re coupling red hair with sterility)

I guess then you’re screwed? If your husband is stuck with it, you might be forced to curse your child similarly. It’s hair! Are we really worrying about this and aren’t we becoming dangerously close to a lot more scripted, perfect looking clone people running around looking exactly alike? I thought variety was the spice of life and what’s spicier than a red head?

I would so much rather have control over things like, “prone to cold sores” (check box NO), “affinity for chocolate and red wine” (hmm, refined taste with an anti-oxidant heavy lean) (check box YES), “elite athlete,” “immune to disease,” “Menza captain,” “life expectancy—to the moon and beyond!” “ability to fly,” “super human strength,” “charismatic personality” (check, check, check).

 “Red hair” (is there a box for who cares?)