We received a notice home about head lice found at our daughter’s camp yesterday. There were three kids and one counsellor sent home and all other campers/counsellors/ janitorial staff/stilt re-alignment specialists were all thoroughly examined by rubber glove wearing experts.

The good news is my children were cleared. The bad news is I’m vomiting up blood every time I see a piece of lint on furniture or clothing mistaking it for a bug. I even resorted to stabbing a small fluff I found on Ellie’s pillow with the tweezers and then examining it under a magnifying glass to confirm it was a combination of viscose rayon, fleece, crocheting thread, with traces of Banana Boat sunscreen and thankfully not a creepy crawler coming to invade our home.

I want to turn on the dryer but here’s my dilemma. Between the months of May and September, I can’t bring myself to waste energy by using the dryer. Also, unlike many, I don’t mind a fresh from the clothesline crispy fried towel for an extra loofah post shower but I’m torn.

The notice home specifically states you should use a hot dryer for twenty minutes (minimum) in order to kill any nits/nats/scallywags that may be on your sheets, towels, clothing, hats etc.

I can’t help but think neighbours will see my dryer vent flapping in the humid breeze and immediately conclude, we have lice, why else would our dryer be running when it’s forty-six degrees Celsius? Surely she’s not trying to shrink that one pair of shorts she owns any shorter than they already are they’ll gasp. And isn’t lice really all about bringing shame to your family? Further, if heat kills them, I’m not sure there’s any dryer in the world that could spike to the temps out on my back deck at the moment.

Also, when did lice become a year round epidemic? We received notices monthly during the school year but in July too? Is there no incubation/hibernation/Florida snowbird period for which to stock up on supplies? For the men to shave their heads to see how they’ll look bald in the heat as opposed to doing it in November when everyone will just assume there’s an infestation?

We discussed the fatal flaws in the camp life system when it comes to passing lice from one head to the next with the girls. Under no circumstances were they to share; hats, hair brushes, lice combs or shower caps with any of their friends at camp.

At 4pm, I was the first to arrive in the gym to pick up my children. The gym was empty as the kids had not yet returned from their late afternoon swim. I noticed two objects strewn about the floor that had been littered by one of ninety children throughout the course of the day. The first was an empty apple sauce container that must have fallen from someone’s lunch bag en route to the garbage can, an innocent mistake. The second was, you guessed it, my daughter’s hat.