I am inundated with information about how to raise happy, healthy kids. Some of it is informative and some I question how it could have made it past the most basic spam filter on any household computer.

Recently, I’ve noticed a disproportionate number of suggestions for tried and true recipes, sure fire menus your kids will love and I find myself shaking my head.

I have found a couple of things work well in our house. Using simple, whole foods, little to no spice and serving the kids whatever the adults are eating rather than spending my day prepping menu items a la Mommy the short order cook. Smiley faces and fancy gimmicks never seem to work unless the food the smiley face is made from is a known substance and one they already know they like. Simple.

Why then have I sifted through buckets of suggestions for kid’s menus that include some or all of the following;

1. Onions. Many of the recipes I’ve examined include not just a small, minced onion hidden somewhere in a sauce but rather a generous smattering of onion chunks. I have yet to find a child who enjoys the flavour an onion brings to a sauce, quesadilla or otherwise, in fact, I have two adult brothers who still pick through their food to remove the onions and gag at the sight of them.

2. Bringing the kids into the kitchen to help. While I absolutely agree kids should be a part of the dinner making experience and chances are better they will eat something they’ve had a hand in preparing, don’t rule out the idea that kids shouldn’t necessarily be touching all of the ingredients that are making their way into your meal despite the nudge-nudge, wink-wink hand-washing they adamantly swear was thoroughly adhered to, nor should they be permitted to over-stir muffins so they won’t rise. Moms are shaking their heads at me for shooing my kids out of the kitchen when it comes time to stir the batter but would you rather have a tasty, onion-free treat or a sad little pancake of a leather muffin with an icing sugar frowny-face?

Perhaps you should bring the kids into the kitchen to prep the onions. If they didn’t like them before they joined you in the kitchen, have them cut a few and see if that doesn’t change their opinion.

3. Tomatoes. I love tomatoes so this isn’t an attack on tomatoes and I think most kids enjoy tomato based sauces, I know they love ketchup but a slice of tomato thrown into a meal just doesn’t seem to add anything but a headache. If you are shouting, “My kids love tomatoes, I can’t be the only one!” You are.

4. Spices. Again, there’s nothing better than a spicy Indian or Thai dish for the adults in your family and many kids will attempt to taste it but it rarely goes beyond wanting a bite to show how brave they are in front of their siblings or friends and receiving assumed permission to drink directly from the water jug without repercussions. There are a good number of recipes that sound fabulous until I get to the blurb about tossing in a handful of turmeric, fresh cilantro, cumin and a dash of nutmeg. They simply aren’t going to get eaten. Instead, I’ll hear through plugged noses, “It looks good Mom but I can’t eat it because it smells too gross.” Best saved for date night.

5. Cookie cutter shapes. I don’t own any cookie cutters. If that takes me out of the running for mother of the year then I respectfully decline the nomination. It seems foolish to start buying now. This year’s silly band cutter is going to be old news before next year’s Zhu Zhu pet cutter which will be obsolete before I can shove the dough into the spinny wheels lest they get caught in my hair (again). I enjoy looking at the adorable clown head with matchstick carrots for hair, olive eyes (because all kids love olives) and red pepper stick smile but there’s a fine line between a stylist making a happy clown face sandwich for the cover of a magazine and my rendition, resembling a scary, serial killer clown who haunts children with shaved onion hair, tomato eyes and a sprig of thyme smile.

Here is my favourite suggestion of all. A dish called Shakshuka. That’s right spell check, no such word. Kids just love things they can’t pronounce. I’m not suggesting I wouldn’t eat this dish myself, but nowhere in the list of ingredients does it scream, “kid friendly.” Even if my daughter’s name was Shak and our last name was Shuka, I still wouldn’t be able to get my kids to eat it.

Shakshuka!

1 onion chopped (onions check!)
3 or 4 cloves of garlic minced (mmmm kid’s favourite bulb)
a really good sized glug of olive oil
1 teaspoon paprika (spices check!)
1/2 teaspoon cumin (more spices)
1 28 ounce can of whole tomatoes (tomatoes check!)
1 tablespoon tomato paste
good pinch of kosher salt and pepper
5 or 6 eggs
1/4 cup crumbled feta (great on cookies)
chopped basil (or parsley)