I decided to create an instruction manual of sorts for some of the gadgets around the house should a babysitter ever need to know how anything works.

When it came time to describe how to turn on the t.v. even I threw the convertor and picked up a book instead.

Convertor:

First press the satellite button (top left) SAT. This button has been worn from use so you may require a magnifying glass to find the remnants of the bottom of the letter “A” and a small dot where the “T” used to be. The “S” has been smudged off permanently.

Then press the RED Power button (top centre).

You should now see a blue light on the Bell box to the left of the t.v. (second shelf of t.v. related equipment) indicating the satellite is on. If you do not see the blue light, repeat steps one and two being careful not to remove what little print is left on the “A” and “T”.

Next, press TV (the grey one at the top in between the line-dot-smear button and Power buttons) not the red button below the power button that is also labelled tv, followed by Power.

You should hear a click on the t.v. If you don’t hear a click, hit TV (don’t hit the t.v.) followed by Power again. (Grey TV, not red TV). It doesn’t always work the first time, you must be pointing the convertor at the t.v. in order to make the connection. Sometimes you will be pointing the convertor at the t.v. and repeat these steps up to twelve times angrily until you hear the click. This is normal.

Third step—press AUX (top right) followed by Power this will give you sound.

TV should now be on. Celebrate with a glass of wine.

My advice at this point is to simply enjoy the fact that the t.v. is on with sound and never mind what channel it’s stuck on. I apologize if Treehouse is not your favourite network but isn’t it better than a screen that flashes “NO SIGNAL” while you try to enjoy your novel?

To change the channel, first press smudge-line-dot, followed by Guide (blue button on right side). Our stations start at 200 and go up into the 800’s. You will find everything you need between channels 200 and 300. The kids watch channels 556, 557, CNN is 500, CP 24 is 503. Sports stations are in the low 400’s and I think Leafs t.v. is 422 but no one is watching them anymore anyway.

To turn off, repeat the steps you used to turn it on, in reverse—having this helpful guide will be a welcome reminder, trust me. The older kids can help but sometimes become frustrated and forget to check for the blue light. This usually results in some stomping. Again, perfectly normal. If at any time the baby is holding the convertor, you are in trouble. She may order movies, she might set up the Wii. Nobody knows how she does it, what she presses or how to get back to square one. Best to keep it away from her and if she does press something, turn it all off and then on again.

Let me know how the book wraps up. I’ll be looking for new material the next big show night.