I’m trying to figure out who this “holiday” is for and who thinks playing charades all day everyday instead of all day every other day while the kids were at school should be deemed a holiday?
It’s the season of angry drivers and no parking spaces.
The season for disgruntled Wal-Mart shoppers who appear even more aggressively perturbed at their children than any other time of year.
It’s the season for shoplifting (also at Wal-Mart). Greg actually witnessed a woman screaming at the elderly woman whose only job at Wal-Mart is to check everyone’s bags on the way out. When she caught this woman actively attempting to steal, the thief began shouting obscenities as if it were the happy greeter’s fault for not letting her slip out of the store with seven too many snuggies.
It’s the cold, wet season which means ugly layered clothing, unflattering hats with ear flaps, driveway shovelling and snowboard injuries followed by hot chocolate with too many marshmallows that spill on the table, followed by hot chocolate round two with no marshmallows and crying, deprived children.
It’s not usually the season for Ruby Red vodka/tonic and fresh lime juice although I can see how it might find its way into my evening routine.
It’s the season for wrapping presents, hiding presents, hiding paper that might match Santa’s paper, forgetting to buy for someone that buys for you and awkwardly pretending their gift is on order and then staying up until midnight surfing amazon.com looking for something your ex-lover’s, neighbour’s, sister’s friend’s photographer might find less offensive than no gift at all.
It’s the season for days with almost no sunshine, trying egg nog and once again, like every other year, swearing you’ll never drink it again. This year I saw an egg nog display at the end of the grocery aisle in an unrefrigerated display case. Aren’t there eggs and cream in there? No wonder my stomach turns at the sight of it.
I can understand why it’s the time of year people are most depressed. Money can be tight, there’s no time to shop for everyone on your list, cook enough food for everyone expecting a decent meal and seven people will not be getting a snuggie this Christmas. (Thanks Wal-Mart). So if we didn’t throw a tree, an elf and some banana ornaments in the mix, we might just all go in sane.
‘Tis the season.
