Coupon Clipper……

For the first time in my adult life, I made a decision to take a coupon with me to the grocery store for a deal I thought seemed too good to be true.

While I am a rookie clipper and tried the milk bag snippet, dull tweezers and finally left-handed children’s safety scissors to clip my way to savings, I opted instead to just bring the entire flyer with me saying, “I’m breezy.” It made it seem as though I hadn’t given any advance thought to the products I was ultimately going to purchase but if I saw something on the shelf that was glaring back at me from the front page of the newsprint, like I’d made a match in a game of Memory, I may or may not opt to add the item to my cart.

I wheeled into Zehrs directly following our baby and me aqua-fit class and like most post-swimming lesson Mommies with tots, I was looking like my head had been dragged through a mud-puddle and my comb had gotten stuck somewhere in the thick of it and may or may not still be in there. The baby’s eyes were squinting even more than usual from the pool chemicals and my lack lustre attempt to lather her up in the shower trying mostly to keep her from using my body as a slip ‘n slide. My pants were wet in embarrassing places from putting her on my lap while still in her little swimmer diaper but nobody notices incontinence when you’re wandering the store aisles with your giant, unfolded, full-sized newspaper and a half-lightning bolt hair brush protruding through your pony-tail while scouring for deals.

I made it to the check-out with nobody waiting behind me and felt comfortable unloading the cart and gearing up to snip out my ticket to savings.

The clerk told me there was no need to tear it out. So I excused my naivety and handed her the entire booklet.

She said, “You don’t need to tear it out because that deal isn’t for this store.”

Confused.

It said Zehrs on the flyer. It was printed in orange, green and white. The President’s Choice signature food series was scattered throughout. When I looked up I saw a sign that said, “Welcome to Zehrs supermarkets,” Okay, I’m in the right place. I noticed President’s Choice chocolate almonds at the check-out. Yes, the same brand I see here in my flyer.  The clerk’s apron was green, her name-tag orange with a white background. Though not an exact colour match given the faded ink from the printing press that produced my flyer, they were in the same tone and family. Yes Eldwina, I’m in the right place. The question is, are you?

I pointed at the coupon as if there were no words to describe my pain. She pointed back and I’m pretty sure was gesturing towards the “accident” on my jeans but instead took her pen and circled, “valid at our Fergus store.”

Fergus?

Fergus was at least 40 minutes away. Why would I drive to Fergus for groceries? Although, my pants might be dry by then and it would give me time to use a pencil to find the comb lost in my hair.

Better still, why would the Fergus store advertise this coupon in my newspaper? The gas alone wouldn’t be worth the trade.

Not unlike my soiled pants, if it seems too good to be true, it’s probably whiz.

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